Fear Sucks - Until You Go Through It!
I know I need to do something when it scares the shit out of me. Wait... that's total bullshit. I only know that once I'm in it. In the beginning it usually starts with a thought like, "Hey, I want to do a workshop to help people get started on their own web series.' That thought is usually followed quickly by my wonderful critic who says, "why would anyone come to your workshop? there are so many panels and workshops already, why start another one? you're a piece of shit and don't know what you're talking about..." Those thoughts freaking suck. They paralyze me and make me want to curl up in bed and not do anything.
This last couple months have been filled with several of these moments, shaving to a mustache on THE TEMP LIFE:
Or deciding to do my Web Series Workshop in New York City on 10.10.10:
Or preparing my latest directing gig of the a new branded series by Creator/Executive Producer, Wilson Cleveland. Susan Miller wrote my episode and was incredibly lucky to be able to cast Eddie McClintock (Warehouse 13) and Jaime Murray (Dexter) in it. I was staring at a blank Excel doc for two days in fear, as I tried to think of my shot list. Until I just started to do it. Visualizing it in my head and then drawing, looking at photos etc.
So I found myself full of anxiety. Look it's not like I don't ever have it, but I've recently felt it a lot. My normal and PREFERRED mode is to be comfortable and safe, so being uncomfortable fucking sucks. At the end of it all, when I apply myself, push past the fear and just begin the task at hand I can accomplish anything. There's the "One Day at a Time" saying which really for most people is one moment, one minute, one second at a time. Being in the moment and not in the future is one of the hardest things for me to do.
This last couple months have been filled with several of these moments, shaving to a mustache on THE TEMP LIFE:
Or preparing my latest directing gig of the a new branded series by Creator/Executive Producer, Wilson Cleveland. Susan Miller wrote my episode and was incredibly lucky to be able to cast Eddie McClintock (Warehouse 13) and Jaime Murray (Dexter) in it. I was staring at a blank Excel doc for two days in fear, as I tried to think of my shot list. Until I just started to do it. Visualizing it in my head and then drawing, looking at photos etc.
So I found myself full of anxiety. Look it's not like I don't ever have it, but I've recently felt it a lot. My normal and PREFERRED mode is to be comfortable and safe, so being uncomfortable fucking sucks. At the end of it all, when I apply myself, push past the fear and just begin the task at hand I can accomplish anything. There's the "One Day at a Time" saying which really for most people is one moment, one minute, one second at a time. Being in the moment and not in the future is one of the hardest things for me to do.
Hmmm...I always wonder what I'm doing wrong and if I'm really "good enough" all the time! I've had the same thoughts in my head and I have to admit, it's somewhat comforting to know that someone like you who's "making it" has some of the same fears I do, a nobody who's still trying to find the door, let alone walk thru it!
ReplyDeleteIt may mean very little to you, but you just inspired me -- a good boost with my morning coffee.
Good luck in New York! Obviously, you have so much to share, teach and to help inspire!
Carmen Lezeth
Carmen, sorry just saw this comment. Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad to see that I'm inspiring someone!!! Don't give up.
ReplyDelete