TO BE OR NOT TO BE...
I remember doing that monologue from Hamlet for my teacher Milton Katselas, he stopped me at the first "BE". He asked what was the scene about, what was going on. I talked about the idea of life and death and suicide and, and... he cut me off again; "It's about BEING! Life, love, your dreams... everything. Do you do it or NOT do it!"
Let's face it, the life of an artist can be brutal. For every YES there's hundreds, no thousands of NOs. But when the yes comes, there's no guarantee that happiness and joy will follow. Because you've wanted it so bad for so long, had so many opportunities that went from a possibility to a NO, that you've now set up the expectations so high that "THIS JOB" could be the job that's "MY BIG BREAK". Instead of it just being what it is; an opportunity to do what I love doing, with people who love what they're doing.
There's the time where SOMEONE gives you the YES and there's the times where you say YES TO YOURSELF. As much as I like to think I create a lot of my opportunities, I've also been very blessed to have many people say yes to me over the years.
But there was this little part of me that believed that certain jobs just weren't going to happen for me. For example, booking TV Guest Star roles seemed to pass me by. I couldn't land one for the life of me. I realized that I had made up my mind that those roles just weren't my thing, I had to make my own shows if I wanted to do TV. Once I had that realization, I made a conscious effort to let that belief go. Within a few weeks of this A HA MOMENT, I booked a top of show guest star role on TNT's Major Crimes. A month later I booked a National/Network Cadillac Commercial and had a pin in me three times for three Network TV series.
There are these different phases of the acting process; the hunt for the opportunity/audition, the audition, the callback, the booking, the shooting and then the time when it AIRS/SCREENS/RELEASED. All phases have it's challenges and rewards but there's always that anxious feeling when your work is going to be OUT there for the world to see... to JUDGE! At least that's the fear that comes up and there's a bit of truth to the fear as people seem to have no problem critiquing your work safely sitting behind their computers. But who gives a FUCK? What do these people mean to me? Nothing, really but I can give them so much time in my head. The challenge for the artist is putting your work out there and knowing not everyone is going to love IT or YOU.
So I guess this post came about for several reasons, one because I've got four films that have just completed post production that I've acted in, two of them I also produced. They're all going to be at AFM (American Film Market) in November where sales agents will be trying to get distribution for them. I've been fortunate to see all of them and am proud of my work. So the idea of more of my work getting out their can be a bit nerve wracking.
I'm also less than two days away from doing a PLAY for the first time in almost ten years. It's one thing to do all the phases as stated earlier and then have someone watch you in the safety of their own home, it's another to ask them to trek through LA traffic, sit in a theater for 90 minutes and watch you PERFORM it LIVE.
Our hope is that it's somewhat entertaining and people leave having gone on a ride. I've been pushed completely out of my comfort zone and see my own sabotage creeping up from time to time. But in the end, it's not about what results will come from the ten performances, but instead this journey thus far and what we're still to gain.
I'm sure there will be those that love what we've created and others that won't. I guess at the end of the day I can't concern myself with either and just do the work.
I'm saying YES TO MYSELF and that's got to be enough.
In case you're in LA here's the info:
Let's face it, the life of an artist can be brutal. For every YES there's hundreds, no thousands of NOs. But when the yes comes, there's no guarantee that happiness and joy will follow. Because you've wanted it so bad for so long, had so many opportunities that went from a possibility to a NO, that you've now set up the expectations so high that "THIS JOB" could be the job that's "MY BIG BREAK". Instead of it just being what it is; an opportunity to do what I love doing, with people who love what they're doing.
There's the time where SOMEONE gives you the YES and there's the times where you say YES TO YOURSELF. As much as I like to think I create a lot of my opportunities, I've also been very blessed to have many people say yes to me over the years.
But there was this little part of me that believed that certain jobs just weren't going to happen for me. For example, booking TV Guest Star roles seemed to pass me by. I couldn't land one for the life of me. I realized that I had made up my mind that those roles just weren't my thing, I had to make my own shows if I wanted to do TV. Once I had that realization, I made a conscious effort to let that belief go. Within a few weeks of this A HA MOMENT, I booked a top of show guest star role on TNT's Major Crimes. A month later I booked a National/Network Cadillac Commercial and had a pin in me three times for three Network TV series.
There are these different phases of the acting process; the hunt for the opportunity/audition, the audition, the callback, the booking, the shooting and then the time when it AIRS/SCREENS/RELEASED. All phases have it's challenges and rewards but there's always that anxious feeling when your work is going to be OUT there for the world to see... to JUDGE! At least that's the fear that comes up and there's a bit of truth to the fear as people seem to have no problem critiquing your work safely sitting behind their computers. But who gives a FUCK? What do these people mean to me? Nothing, really but I can give them so much time in my head. The challenge for the artist is putting your work out there and knowing not everyone is going to love IT or YOU.
So I guess this post came about for several reasons, one because I've got four films that have just completed post production that I've acted in, two of them I also produced. They're all going to be at AFM (American Film Market) in November where sales agents will be trying to get distribution for them. I've been fortunate to see all of them and am proud of my work. So the idea of more of my work getting out their can be a bit nerve wracking.
I'm also less than two days away from doing a PLAY for the first time in almost ten years. It's one thing to do all the phases as stated earlier and then have someone watch you in the safety of their own home, it's another to ask them to trek through LA traffic, sit in a theater for 90 minutes and watch you PERFORM it LIVE.
Our hope is that it's somewhat entertaining and people leave having gone on a ride. I've been pushed completely out of my comfort zone and see my own sabotage creeping up from time to time. But in the end, it's not about what results will come from the ten performances, but instead this journey thus far and what we're still to gain.
I'm sure there will be those that love what we've created and others that won't. I guess at the end of the day I can't concern myself with either and just do the work.
I'm saying YES TO MYSELF and that's got to be enough.
In case you're in LA here's the info:
WHERE:
Beverly Hills Playhouse
254 S. Robertson Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
WHEN:
ONLY 10 PERFORMANCES
November 3rd,4th,5th,6th at 7:30pm (these are
for the acting classes, so might be better on other nights, but welcome to come
to these.)
November 7th,8th, at 8pm
November 9th at 7pm
November 14,15 at 8pm
and FINAL PERFORMANCE November 16th at 7pm
PRICE: FREE!!!
NO RESERVATION NECESSARY
BUT EMAIL
ME IF YOU ARE COMING AND I'LL MAKE SURE YOU GET IN.
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